


Undead

by orphan_account



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Mentions of Rape, be warned, dont read if ur struggling with self harm, graphic descriptions of self harm, ian is dead, im serious be careful, like MAJOR trigger warning, mickey self harms, set before season 4 but ian never went to the army, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:27:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26692180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ian is dead, and Mickey doesn't take the news well. Major description of self-harm. Mentions of rape. Very triggering.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	Undead

**Author's Note:**

> VERY TRIGGERING. I recommend you to check the tags and summary for trigger warnings. In case you didn't, Graphic description of self-harm and mentioned rape.

“He’s dead, Mickey.” Mickey froze. “Who’s dead?” Mickey asked, though he had a feeling he knew who it was. Mandy sighed, then wiped away her tears.  
“Ian. Ian’s dead. H-he….fucking killed himself. Fucking shot his brains out. Carl found him.” Mandy’s voice shook and kept catching in her throat. Mickey felt a slight tightening on his heart, and he suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. “The fuck you mean he killed himself? Why are you telling me this? Barely knew the guy.” Mickey said, as he discreetly wiped off the tears racing on his cheek. .  
“Cut the bullshit. I know about you two.” Mandy replied, her voice soft. Mickey’s throat hitched. “Get out,” He said icily. He waited until he heard Mandy’s footsteps fade out, then closed the door. He kneeled down and searched under his bed to take out a small cardboard box. In it was Mickey’s go to razor blade. Wiggling down his pants, Mickey grabbed at his hip. He brought the blade to the skin and started to cut. The blade digged in, and blood dotted at the skin. The sharp pain made Mickey flinch a little bit. He did this when he needed relief, which was a lot. He did it to let out his feelings and feel better, but he only felt worse afterwards. Still, he couldn’t stop. It was a coping mechanism. It was why Mickey was so adamant in not screwing face to face. He didn’t want to show anyone his vulnerable side. One day Ian and Mickey were fucking and Mickey, in bliss, momentarily forgot about the ugly wounds. Ian had grabbed at his hips, then stopped suddenly.  
“M-Mickey what is this?” Ian asked, his voice broken. Mickey froze and he swore his heart skipped a beat.  
“It’s nothing. You wanna chit chat or you wanna get on me?” Mickey huffed. Ian had reluctantly continued.  
Mickey didn’t know he had been breathing so hard when he stopped. Mickey didn’t want to stop. He wanted to keep going. He opened his eyes then looked at the object in his hands. The blade was tinted with his blood, as was his hands. Mickey felt so disgusted and broken inside. He wanted to scream, but he didn’t. He didn’t know if he could scream. He felt like nothing would come out if he tried. Quiet tears streamed out of Mickey’s eyes and wouldn’t stop. He hurriedly wiped them away. Putting away the cardboard box, he got undressed completely. Turning the shower on, he didn’t wait to warm the water up and immediately got in. He stood there, the water hitting the fresh wounds, making it sting. Mickey didn’t care. He had loved Ian. He didn’t want to admit it, but he had loved the little fucker. He loved his smart-ass remarks, and the way he smirked when he caught Mickey trying not to smile. He loved it when Ian walked in the room with that smile. The smile hadn’t been as bright after Terry had hired the Russian hooker. Mickey supposed that’s what had driven Ian over the edge. Seeing Mickey be raped at gunpoint, then forced to marry Svetlana. Mickey couldn’t blame Ian for taking the easy way out. 

Mickey didn’t attend Ian’s funeral. He watched, though. The Gallaghers had pale faces, and all of them were crying. Even Frank was letting some tears escape. Carl seemed affected the most. He had been the one to discover Ian after all. After the funeral had ended and Ian was six feet in the ground, Mickey stepped to the newly placed gravestone. He sunk. He gave up and sunk to the ground. Letting some sobs tear through him, he took a shaky hand and ran his fingers on the line determining his life. February 11, 1989 - April 23, 2013. He couldn’t believe that was it. That these two phrases summed up Ian’s life. His gut wrenched. Mickey couldn’t stop crying. He couldn’t breathe, and he was making ugly sounds but he couldn’t stop. He. Just. Couldn’t. Stop. It was all he felt. Blackness.

**Author's Note:**

> If you are struggling, please know it's worth it to stay in the end. Ending your life is not the only option. Self harm is dangerous and addictive, and if you are struggling, seek help. Suicide helpline for every country: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines I promise. It's worth it. This fic is NOT meant to glamorize/ glorify suicide or self-harm.


End file.
